It seems that with each closing there is an aftermath of Buyer's Remorse.
I had two offers on one listing-both from people who were not working with a Realtor. I was about to list another similar home two doors down and knew the one who did not get this one would want the other (and they did). The client who had the accepted offer on the first home asked about the other one and had this look like ‘maybe I would have liked that one better'.
I showed my first time buyers about 50 homes and we could not find the right one, in a particular area and within their price range. And then we did. They knew the minute they were inside-and they liked it better than the one they put an offer on which was not accepted. I felt really good. At the final walk-through (the day before closing and after a difficult inspection and further negotiations), they brought a friend who flips homes and had him walk through it with us. He pointed out several things they would have to deal with-and a few more they didn't know about right after they moved in. It's an older home and adorable and when the remorse settles, I think it will be great.
One of my clients just bought a condo and the deal had a few bumps along the way but it all worked out. One of the main reasons she picked this particular one was the deck out back with trees around it which made it very secluded. She has never lived in a condo and the backyard gave her the privacy she was used to. About a week later I get this call "you won't believe what happened" and found out the association had come a few days after she moved in and cut a large chunk of the tree because of a work order that had been submitted previously.
And the list goes on. When I started thinking about it, I had a similar story for each client-some with a little remorse and some more significant remorse. Next I started looking at my seller's. They had remorse as well-maybe they shouldn't have reduced it that last time (especially the one with two buyers); or they really appreciate their old home and the cleanliness compared to the new one. Then I started thinking about myself. I like to garden and was unhappy with the flowers I chose for some of my planters-everyone is admiring the yard but I know that next year, I won't buy some of them again and feel I wasted my money.
The definition of remorse: "a deep, torturing sense of guilt felt over a wrong that one has done; self-reproach". Regret: "to feel troubled or remorseful over (something that has happened, one's own acts); or over something that one has done or left undone".
As a Realtor who represents the deals that bring on this remorse or regret, I usually feel responsible or have remorse over their remorse. But the definition says that we are troubled over our own acts or something we have done. I always do my best; I want to find my clients a home that they fall in love with and have them sign the papers because they chose this particular home.
So, as human beings, I think we are just remorseful by nature. Can it be just as easy to live with our choices without any of the regret-to move forward powerfully and embrace what's next? I have always noticed this odd thing I have with light bulbs-that moment when I turn on the light and the light bulb does this quick pop and burns out. It always seems to me that I turned it on too fast and if I would have turned it on differently, it wouldn't have burned out at that precise moment. It may sound weird but I guess I must think light bulbs should last forever-or at least not burn out when I am around-or maybe I just don't like the inconvenience of having to change it because I do want the light. So, I guess it just comes down to this: I wouldn't know I have something I want, without a few bumps along the way.
Royal Oak Realtor selling Real Estate in Southeastern Michigan. TishHouse sells Houses - selling Oakland County Real Estate with RE/MAX Showcase Homes in Birmingham, Michigan. Helping People in a challenging market by specializing in Short Sales. See what my clients have to say about my extraordinary customer service.
When I see one of my clients in a store or around town I always feel the sight of me looks like a giant "remorse button" walking towards them. It's a crap shoot. Never know what stage of remorse they are in. Every conversation no matter how positive it begins somehow finds it's way to what they found "wrong" with the house. Even if they did it themselves during a DIY project. Yesterday, I had to call all my old buyers that had AHM loans to educate and calm them and address their concerns about the lack of appreciation. Again the remorse buttons got pushed. So I am felling ya girl!
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Cathy, great post. Buyers Remorse is a normal response in a real estate transaction. Some get it and some don't. Have you ever thought of prepping them for the POP ? (light bulb) Buyers always see things when they move in that they hadn't noticed before. Who can see it all in a couple of visits to a house ?
Don't take the blame on yourself, if they loved the house and were ready to write an offer. It took me a year to really like the home we built from the lot up over 13 years ago.
Patti: I had a lot of deals in a very short time and I never noticed the remorse button so clearly. When a couple of clients called in particular, I was always waiting for the next concern to address - while I want to continue to have a conversation after the deal and address the issues - I really want to hear how happy they are.
Rennee: I grew up with my parents telling me what a great child/daughter I was and, as a result, I have the people pleaser going on as well--I bring a lot of significance to saying the right thing.
Darrel: I feel I do have a good relationship with my past clients and I get quite a few referrals from them--I guess I just want things to be perfect so I take things personal when they really aren't complaining about me but they know I will do what it takes when it comes to follow up. I have never had anyone hate their home or get angry with me.
Dan: In my mind, I know I never twisted their arm (and I think they know too) but, in a moment of remorse, I don't think our mind always rules. As human beings, I think we are always looking to be happy and peaceful - and for a moment, when we find the right one, we are and then the reality of life's imperfections sets in - just human nature.
Missy: I have never seen remorse so clearly because I just had about 9 closings since May 30 and it was really up front and personal. So, thanks for saying that about preparting them - I will now do that - you always give me good ideas. Thanks
Gerry: You took what Missy said one step further by making Remorse fun with the idea of the candy - I like that and will incorporate what you and Missy said. Thanks for the comment
I always advise my buyers that they will experience remorse. It's easy to be excited and make an offer, more exciting when you actually win the contract, then BOOM it hits you.
When that feeling finally hits them, and it will, I always tell them call me, and they do. I hold their hands every step of the process. Them knowing that I know they will have this feeling before hand adds comfort to their feelings. I've never had a buyer kill the deal though over the remorse.
I remember when my wife and I went through the process and the remorse hit her she broke down and requested we go to a bar. I was OK with the decision, she was freaked out. She rarely drinks, maybe 4 drinks/year, I knew she was nervous. She had a drink, a dinner, and everything worked out fine.
George: I suppose things go in waves and this market is unpredictable (in Michigan anyway). I was encouraged yesterday when I called on one of what I thought was the most "remorseful" and they said they went through a rough patch but now they LOVE IT! I feel better. Thanks for stopping by
Lee: I love that idea - thanks for sharing it! I would imagine most people would not take you up on it but what a great marketing tool for a listing appointment. Not that I would care if they took me up on it as my client's satisfaction is very important.
Chad: Because I had nine closings in about six weeks, I had never noticed the remorse like I did - therefore the post. By your comment and a few others, I am definitely going to start preparing my clients for the possibility of this. Thanks. I love the story about your wife - when we experience something similar, we can definitely be empathetic to others.
Lizette: I know some people that are just like that in my life - luckily they have never been my clients and probably wouldn't want them to be - or have to cut them loose like you did. Thanks for stopping by & sharing.
Steve:
Thanks for distinguishing second guessing and true remorse. None of it was so awful that I thought they were really unhappy with their home so it may have not been true remorse--definitey not a full blown case of it anyway. Actually I was probaby more remorseful than they were with my concern that everything goes perfectly and then hearing a new complaints about the home. I had nine closings in six weeks so things were a bit more intense than usual. Thanks for your comment.
Jeffrey: Thanks - I am learning not to shoulder the remorse - not just here but in other places in my life as well - trying to get things perfect and please people is very stressful. Thanks also for noticing how much I do care about my clients. I agree with you that working hard and doing our best is all anyone can expect
Stefan: We cannot guarantee anyone's happiness including our own so it is always interesting when I identify my thoughts that are often running the show - guilt or blame when in reality all we can do is our best - in the end (like you said) they do make the final decision - glad you enjoyed the post and comments - thanks for stopping by.